Nobody prepares you for the first day at nursery. You hand over a bag, a spare set of clothes and your little one who you’ve barely been apart from, and then you walk away. It does not matter whether your child is seven months old or nearly three. That moment hits hard.
If you are dreading it, you’re not alone. Starting nursery is one of the biggest changes a family goes through, and most of the time it’s actually the parents worrying the most. So here is an honest look at what the nursery transition involves, what is ‘normal’, and how to get through the first few weeks.
You are allowed to find this hard
Feeling wobbly about nursery does not mean you have made the wrong choice.
Some families need nursery from a few months old, because maternity pay runs out or a household needs two incomes. Others wait until two or three years old, by choice or because that is when funded hours are made available. Neither route is the better one, and neither says anything about how much you love your child.
What you are feeling is often several things at once. Guilt, relief, sadness, and worry. All of that can sit together.
What to expect in the first few weeks
The first few weeks are usually bumpy, and then they get better. Knowing what is coming makes it far easier to ride out.
The settling in period
Almost every UK nursery recommends a settling in period before your child starts full days, and it is worth taking every session they offer.
It usually works in stages. A short visit with you in the room, then a longer one where you step out for half an hour, then a couple of hours alone, then a morning, then a full day. The point is to let your child meet the room, the noise and their key person in small doses rather than all at once.
Spread the sessions over a week or two if you can, rather than cramming them into two days. And if your nursery offers extra ones because your child needs them, say yes.
An upset child
Your child may cry at drop off, and it may go on for a couple of weeks. This is normal, and it is not a sign that something is wrong.
For most children crying is about the goodbye itself, not the hours that follow. Staff will tell you that children who sob at the door are often building towers ten minutes later. Separation anxiety is a normal stage of development, and it tends to peak in the second year, which is why a settled eight month old can become a clingy fifteen month old.
Ask your key person to send a message or a photo once your child has settled. It sounds small. It changes the whole morning.
An upset parent
Nobody warns you about this bit. You may cry in the car park, and that is a very ordinary thing to do.
Try not to plan anything demanding around that first drop off, and avoid making it the same morning as your first day back at work. Give yourself somewhere to go and someone to text. If the feeling does not lift after a few weeks, or it is tipping into something heavier, talk to your GP or health visitor.
More illness than usual
Expect more coughs and colds once nursery starts. Your child is meeting far more winter bugs than they were at home, and their immune system is busy getting to know them.
It can feel relentless for the first few months, and then it eases. The tricky part is judging when your child is too unwell to go in. The NHS has clear guidance, so lean on that rather than second guessing yourself, and check your nursery's own policy too. Keep a backup plan ready for the days they cannot go in.
Knock on effects at home
Nursery is a big, loud, stimulating place, and your child may bring some of that home.
Common changes include broken sleep, more night waking, clinginess in the evenings, bigger tantrums, and eating either much more or much less than usual. Some children are wiped out. Others are wired. A predictable calming bedtime routine helps here, even a shorter version of your usual one.
Feeding can shift too. Older babies sometimes take less milk in the day and make up for it in the evening. If anything worries you, your health visitor is the person to ask.
How to prepare your child, whatever their age
You cannot prepare a baby the way you prepare a three year old, so match what you do to your child's stage.
For younger babies, preparation is mostly practical. Share their real routine with the nursery rather than an idealised one. Send in a comforter or a muslin that smells of home. Let them practice being settled by someone who is not you, whether that is a grandparent or a friend.
For older babies and toddlers, you can start talking about it. Name their key person out loud, walk past the building, read books about starting nursery, and play at drop off and pick up with their toys. Keep the tone light and matter of fact rather than building it into a huge event.
Whatever the age, sort your own logistics first. A calm morning is worth more than any amount of preparation.
How to make drop off easier
Drop off is the sharp end of the transition, and a few small habits make a real difference.
Keep goodbyes short and warm, because lingering in the doorway tends to stretch out the upset. Use the same phrase every time, something like "I am going to work, and I will be back after snack time", so your child learns the pattern. Hand them directly to a member of staff rather than putting them down and slipping away. Arrive with time to spare. And never sneak out, however tempting, because it makes the next goodbye harder.
Looking after yourself through the transition
The nursery transition is a change for you too, and it deserves the same patience you are giving your child.
Talk to other parents at the door, because they are almost certainly feeling the same and pretending otherwise. Ask your nursery for updates until you feel settled. Give the whole thing at least a month before you judge it. If your child still seems genuinely unhappy after that, rather than just protesting the goodbye, raise it with the manager. Sometimes it is the room, the hours or the setting rather than nursery itself.
Go easy on yourself and look after your mental health in the meantime. You are holding a lot at once.
Nursery transition questions, answered
How long does it take for a child to settle into nursery?
Most children settle within two to six weeks, though some take longer and that is still normal. Younger babies often settle faster than toddlers, because separation anxiety tends to peak in the second year.
Is it normal for my baby to cry at nursery drop off?
Yes, crying at drop off is very common and it usually stops within a few minutes of you leaving. Children often protest the goodbye itself rather than the nursery.
What is a settling in period at nursery?
A settling in period is a series of short visits before your child starts their full days. Most UK nurseries recommend one, and the sessions build up gradually.
Why does my child get ill so often after starting nursery?
Frequent coughs and colds are normal when a child starts nursery, because they are meeting far more everyday bugs. It usually settles after the first few months. If you are unsure whether your child is well enough to attend, follow NHS guidance.
What age should a child start nursery?
There is no single right age to start nursery. Some babies start at a few months old, others at two or three. Children settle at every age, and starting later is not automatically easier.
The bit nobody tells you
One day, fairly soon, your child will run into that room without looking back. It will be brilliant and it will sting slightly, and both are fine.
The nursery transition is not a test you pass or fail. It is a few weeks of everyone finding a new rhythm, and it almost always ends better than the first morning suggests. Be patient with your child, and with yourself.
If you are heading back to work at the same time, our guide to going back to work covers the practical side. And if you’re experiencing more broken nights than usual, our ultimate guide to baby sleep is a good place to start.
Important Notice
Breastfeeding gives babies the best start, but we understand that every family’s journey is different. Follow-On Milk is suitable for little ones over 6 months old, as part of a varied diet. Chat with your healthcare professional for more guidance.
