By Sophie Harris - Postpartum & Motherhood Psychotherapist
Grab a cuppa for this 10 minute read
In this blog:
• Why exhaustion in motherhood isn’t just about sleep
• The hidden triggers of overstimulation
• Simple ways to regulate your nervous system
• What real mums say helps them recharge
• Therapist-approved tips to help you feel more balanced
When doing it all feels like too much
If you often feel like you're drowning in motherhood, feeling touched-out, and you find yourself wondering if you’re the only one who isn’t really coping… Let me gently stop you right there. You are definitely not alone.
I’m Sophie Harris, a postpartum therapist, and I work with mums every day to navigate this first year of motherhood, which brings about a unique set of challenges that most of us were not prepared for… I remember the chronic exhaustion that I felt when my daughter was a baby, it was a level of tiredness I had never experienced before, and thankfully I have not had to experience since then.
In Kendamil’s recent survey of 600 new mums, two of the most common words used to describe the first year of motherhood were overwhelmed and exhausted. Not tired in the way a good night’s sleep can fix; but a deeper, heavier tired that is felt in every part of your body.
In this blog, I’ll be sharing insights about the impact of sleep exhaustion. And perhaps more importantly, some coping strategies to help you if you are in this place right now. By implementing some of this support, my aim is for you to feel steadier, more supported, and more like yourself again.
Why you’re exhausted… Even if you’re “getting sleep”
Of course, sleep deprivation plays a huge role in your exhaustion. The continuous periods of broken nights, early mornings, and never really switching off are enough to cause anyone to feel that their nervous system is dysregulated, and therefore exhausted. But for many mums, exhaustion goes far beyond sleep.
This kind of tiredness comes from the emotional and mental load of motherhood:
• Hypervigilance for your baby’s needs as you are always predicting what they need: trying to predict naps, feeding, trying to avoid your baby having a meltdown!
• Interrupted sleep that never quite reaches the deep, restorative stages.
• Carrying the mental load not just for a baby, but for the smooth running of the household (appointments, laundry, packing the bag - the list goes on).
And for many new mums… you are doing this with limited support. Which only adds to the intensity of the mental and physical exhaustion.
As I often tell the mums I work with:
“This kind of tiredness isn’t just physical. It’s the tiredness of being needed every second, and using so much energy in regulating your baby.”
When your nervous system is always ‘on’ and you are often overstimulated, it is incredibly hard to feel rested, and it can be even harder to sleep.
The hidden triggers of overstimulation
Why even the “easy” days leave you feeling drained
Some days don’t feel like they should have been particularly hard, maybe you just went to visit a park or a cafe. Despite this, by the evening you feel beyond exhausted, and feel like you have no energy left. This is likely because of how overstimulating early motherhood can feel.
Common (and often unnoticed) triggers for new mums include:
• Constant background noise: toys, TV, white noise, crying
• Being touched all day: feeding, holding, soothing
• Rapidly switching roles: mum, partner, cook, cleaner, organiser
• Constant incoming information from phone notifications and social media
• Being constantly needed by your baby
As a therapist, I see this all the time:
“Your nervous system wasn’t built for constant input… But motherhood often demands just that.”
Over time, this overload can lead you to feeling easily irritable, particularly with your child or partner. You may often feel like you’re on the edge, and it doesn’t take much for you to feel overwhelmed and tearful.
A therapist’s guide to managing exhaustion and calming the nervous system.
When you are chronically sleep deprived, your nervous system is under strain. This means you are more sensitive to noise, touch, mess, and emotional demands. These tools are not about fixing sleep overnight. Instead, they are about taking small steps to help reduce your load and navigate this particularly tiring stage of life.
1. Lower the bar everywhere else
When sleep is broken, something has to give. This is not the season to aim for high standards in every area of your life.
Ask yourself where you can take shortcuts and what support might be available. This could be accepting help from family, ordering food, or spending money on convenience if that is an option. Getting by is enough for now.
2. Regulate your body first, not your thoughts
When everything feels too much, start with the body. Lack of sleep creates physical tension, which then feeds anxiety and overwhelm.
One simple tool is breathing. Try breathing in for four seconds and out for eight seconds, a few times a day. A longer exhale helps signal safety to your nervous system.
Other ways to release tension include gentle stretching, stepping outside for fresh air, eating regularly, or allowing yourself rest where possible. These small physical resets can make a big difference when your system is overloaded.
3. Reduce stimulation where you can
Many mums do not realise how overstimulated they are until they are already overwhelmed. Constant noise, being touched all day, phone notifications, and never being alone with your thoughts all add up.
If you can, create small pockets of quiet. Turn off background noise. Put your phone down during feeds where possible. If you are using your phone at night, be kind to yourself and simply limit it where you can.
Cold water can also help interrupt sensory overload. Splashing your face or running your wrists under cold water can help your body reset in the moment.
4. Do not do this alone
Sleep deprivation is much harder in isolation. Talking to someone who gets it can genuinely help you feel better, even if nothing practical changes.
Aim to connect with at least one person each day. This might be a friend, a family member, or another parent. It does not need to be a deep conversation. A short message, a voice note, or a walk together can help remind you that you are not alone in this.
Many mums find that shared experiences and humour with others in the same stage can be incredibly grounding.
5. Be kind to yourself and remember this is just a chapter
When you are exhausted, it is easy to turn frustration inward and tell yourself you are failing. Try to notice that voice and soften it.
You are not finding this hard because there is something wrong with you. You are finding it hard because chronic sleep deprivation is hard. In many cultures, new mothers are cared for and protected for weeks. In Western society, our expectations are often unrealistic, leading to us mums feel like we are failing.
Speak to yourself as you would a friend. “This is tough. I am doing my best. What would help right now?”
And as hard as it is to hear when you are in the thick of it, this phase will not last forever. Your baby will grow. Sleep will improve. This is a chapter of motherhood for you, not the whole story.
What helped other mums feel better
In Kendamil’s recent survey of 600 mums, many mums told us it wasn’t grand gestures that helped them to feel more grounded, instead it was small moments of reconnection.
• 82% said getting out of the house lifted their spirits
• 61% said meeting a friend (not necessarily another mum) helped them feel calmer
• 60% said going for a walk helped them reset
So, although it may sound obvious.Could you aim to integrate one of these activities into your day?
Other simple but powerful recharges included:
• Reading a book (even a page counts)
• Spending time with their partner without baby-focused conversation
• Baby groups for routine and adult interaction
• WhatsApp groups for support, solidarity, and humour
One mum put it perfectly:
“Sometimes, walking to the corner shop alone with a podcast feels like a holiday.”
The key is to build moments of rest and regulation, and moments of social connection into everyday life.
This will look different to your pre-baby life but that’s ok. This is an intense and challenging period of your life, focusing on these small daily moments can help to build contentment.
You’re not meant to do it all alone
Trying to ‘do it all’ comes at a cost; emotionally, mentally, and physically. If you’re struggling, it certainly doesn’t mean you’re weak, lazy, or failing.
It just means you’re overloaded.
As I often remind the mums I work with:
“You are not failing. You are just carrying too much, with too little support. And that’s not your fault.”
I hope you manage to try some of these tips and find more peace in your every day. If you’d love to read more of my expert-led advice head over to the Mum Hub.
